Lessons on Leadership: When it Comes to How You Treat People, Perception Matters
By Alexander Lyon, Ph.D.
I was once observing a management-level team meeting. The team leader had just received some discouraging feedback from a reliable source. Three of the department’s most talented supervisor decided not to apply for an opening on the management team. Recruiting and promoting new managers, in general, was becoming a problem for the team.
The team leader, “Holly,” broke the news to the group. Naturally, each member of the management team wanted to know why their most promising supervisors did not want to apply.
It came down to this: the management team had a reputation for treating people poorly.
The team discussed the issue for almost two hours in a predictable pattern. Holly shared a bit of feedback and then defended herself and the team against the criticism. “They say we only value people who are just like us. Well, I think we value diversity a lot.” “The say we intimidate for no reason. We’re not scary, are we?” “They say we don’t say ‘hi’ or smile when we walk through a group of people. Well, we’ve had our game faces on lately.”
Holly and a few other managers team systematically downplayed and explained away every negative comment.
Finally, Mike, a manager who hadn’t spoken much, added his view, “You know, even if the supervisors’ opinions are not reality, the negative feedback is the perception that’s out there. Even if it’s completely false and the perception is wrong, we still need to do something differently.”
He was right on two counts. First, perception matters. We are often unaware of the “vibe” we’re giving off. A negative perception about us—particularly about how we treat people—can hinder our ability to lead.
Second, leaders must be willing to do things differently to earn a different reputation. Whether negative feedback is accurate or unfair, leaders must do what they can to maintain credibility.
Leaders who are hearing the same negative feedback repeatedly can take these actions as their initial steps:
1) Find an honest, trustworthy, and wise person and ask him or her to have a cup of coffee and so you can ask for their advice.
2) Discuss the negative feedback you’re hearing with them. Explain why it is you think people have this perception. Here’s the hard part. Ask your friend if they agree with these perceptions.
3) Don’t leave the conversation until you have two or three concrete changes you can make that would address the specific negative perception.
You may want to repeat this process with a few trusted people until you hear some overlap in what they say.
Of course, as Abraham Lincoln once said, “You can’t please all of the people all of the time.” There’s no way to get 100% support for everything you do. Still, when it comes to how we handle ourselves and treat other people, we should all be willing to continuing growing as leaders. Tap some wise, trusted friends to check the perceptions that are out there about you.
Dr. Alexander Lyon is a professor and professional speaker and can be reached via www.alexanderlyon.com
By Alexander Lyon, Ph.D.
I was once observing a management-level team meeting. The team leader had just received some discouraging feedback from a reliable source. Three of the department’s most talented supervisor decided not to apply for an opening on the management team. Recruiting and promoting new managers, in general, was becoming a problem for the team.
The team leader, “Holly,” broke the news to the group. Naturally, each member of the management team wanted to know why their most promising supervisors did not want to apply.
It came down to this: the management team had a reputation for treating people poorly.
The team discussed the issue for almost two hours in a predictable pattern. Holly shared a bit of feedback and then defended herself and the team against the criticism. “They say we only value people who are just like us. Well, I think we value diversity a lot.” “The say we intimidate for no reason. We’re not scary, are we?” “They say we don’t say ‘hi’ or smile when we walk through a group of people. Well, we’ve had our game faces on lately.”
Holly and a few other managers team systematically downplayed and explained away every negative comment.
Finally, Mike, a manager who hadn’t spoken much, added his view, “You know, even if the supervisors’ opinions are not reality, the negative feedback is the perception that’s out there. Even if it’s completely false and the perception is wrong, we still need to do something differently.”
He was right on two counts. First, perception matters. We are often unaware of the “vibe” we’re giving off. A negative perception about us—particularly about how we treat people—can hinder our ability to lead.
Second, leaders must be willing to do things differently to earn a different reputation. Whether negative feedback is accurate or unfair, leaders must do what they can to maintain credibility.
Leaders who are hearing the same negative feedback repeatedly can take these actions as their initial steps:
1) Find an honest, trustworthy, and wise person and ask him or her to have a cup of coffee and so you can ask for their advice.
2) Discuss the negative feedback you’re hearing with them. Explain why it is you think people have this perception. Here’s the hard part. Ask your friend if they agree with these perceptions.
3) Don’t leave the conversation until you have two or three concrete changes you can make that would address the specific negative perception.
You may want to repeat this process with a few trusted people until you hear some overlap in what they say.
Of course, as Abraham Lincoln once said, “You can’t please all of the people all of the time.” There’s no way to get 100% support for everything you do. Still, when it comes to how we handle ourselves and treat other people, we should all be willing to continuing growing as leaders. Tap some wise, trusted friends to check the perceptions that are out there about you.
Dr. Alexander Lyon is a professor and professional speaker and can be reached via www.alexanderlyon.com